I KNOW THE TITLE MAY STARTLE YOU… BUT I HAVE TO WRITE THIS TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!
I was scrolling through Instagram and a sudden wave of anxiety creeped inside my heart and I started crying. You wouldn’t believe that I was literally smiling a second before it happened. Then I went to my bedroom and cried a bit and thought about my family or only if someone was here to hug me tight. But there was no one. There has been no one for the past three years. My parents have been visiting frequently and frankly those are the best days of my life. But when mostly they’re not around, it’s just me waiting for the next time they’ll visit! They are both working and I don’t want any of them to leave their career and stay with their adult independent daughter! I can’t ask this much, they’ve already done enough and still are doing!
So, when I knew there is no one to hold me, like always, I thought about writing here. Because the ones reading this are all strangers but connected with one thing — WORDS. This might reach your heart or may not! But writing is my therapy. And consider yourself as my therapist.
I have been dealing with anxiety for more than a year now. I used to have frequent anxiety attacks but now, they’re zero to one in a month. Living alone was my choice and I was extremely excited about it. Social life has been good and its still going positive. I came to understand myself so much so, that I can recognise my every need and requirement whether its physical, spiritual, financial, emotional or mental. That is how well I have been coping up with anxiety. I know what works for me and how to calm myself down. The more lonely I feel, the more I go into that dark place. So I don’t let myself feel lonely anymore.
I listen to music watch television and of course internet is the saviour after all… But only until when nothing of it works. I know I live alone, I eat alone, I sleep alone. I struggle alone. This living alone thing has resulted for me to become an introvert. I used to be an extrovert. But now I am selectively that way. I have hard time sharing my feelings and thoughts, and so began WRITING.
Writing has been a long term friend. And now, it is my best friend! I think many of you can relate to it. How nothing feels right, nothing makes sense, but as writers, we somehow CREATE sense out of nothing! So, now, I CREATE through my hardships and channelise that negative energy on my laptop. It works for me like magic. So that is why I wrote this. I solemnly accept that I AM LONELY. But I KNOW HOW TO ENJOY IT. Thank you for reading.
I am sharing some creations of mine, the results of my loneliness !
